He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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