Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
