Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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