OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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