IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
