They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
