Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We left an ass print on the piano.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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