We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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