I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
