whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
found the other keg... it's in the tree
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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