My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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