My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
