What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
