did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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