Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
