Swine flu. Run for my life!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He shit in the fireplace
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
