You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
