I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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