There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
