Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
