Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
