Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
