when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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