I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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