I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
