shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
