I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
