In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
