Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
