so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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