Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
