drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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