I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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