Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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