I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
