I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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