Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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