saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
