Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
