dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
