I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
