i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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