I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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