If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
