White coat. Heels.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
