P.S. I can't hear my feet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
