i permit you to call me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
