Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
