Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
