Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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