I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
