When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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