what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
