I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
