Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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