She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
