Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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