I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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