Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
