Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
