And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Vodka?
Forever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
