Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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