10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
